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Options 1182 to 1192
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Have you entire mouth stuffed full of diced habernero peppers
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Have an ingrown toenail
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Die hard
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Earth's surface tips 90 degrees over the course of the next few years. The north pole is now in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (155 degrees west latitude), the south pole is in the middle of Africa (25 degrees east latitude), and the equator roughly runs through Nova Scotia, Venezuela, and the center of Indonesia.
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Eat whatever you want and never gain weight ever again, but it all tastes like dry white toast
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Everyone except you knows aliens exist, but they hide it from you and mock you behind your back
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Have absolutely no hair
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Have one of your nostrils completely blocked at all times
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Be three inches taller and 50 pounds heavier
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It was always winter