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  1. Watch 300 hours of the security tapes from a bingo hall
  2. Be unable to wear any shoes other than soccer cleats for the rest of your life
  3. Discover that you have an evil identical twin who's trying to ruin your life
  4. Fight Chuck Norris
  5. You can't open doors on your own, someone else has to do it for you.
  6. Die hard
  7. Have an ingrown toenail
  8. Have one of your nostrils completely blocked at all times
  9. Earth's surface tips 90 degrees over the course of the next few years. The north pole is now in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (155 degrees west latitude), the south pole is in the middle of Africa (25 degrees east latitude), and the equator roughly runs through Nova Scotia, Venezuela, and the center of Indonesia.
  10. Eat whatever you want and never gain weight ever again, but it all tastes like dry white toast


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