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  1. Shrink to 1/12 of your regular height (while remaining fully functional and properly proportioned)
  2. Only speak Chinese in America
  3. Smell like Soy-Sauce
  4. Be named Hitler
  5. Have a tail that never stops wagging, causing you to break things and smack people wherever you go
  6. Live in a world where everything sounds creepy
  7. Everyone except you loses the ability to read and can never relearn
  8. Fight in World War II
  9. Be grotesquely addicted to cheetos for the rest of your life
  10. Have your deepest, darkest secret revealed to the world


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