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Options 1808 to 1818
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Wake up with two heads. Your other head is a sibling of the same gender; both of you each control just one side of your body and cannot read each others' mind.
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Have no sense of touch
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Never have loved at all
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Get radiation poisoning
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Be a soggy Pop-Tart
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Be continuously farting at all times
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Excrete a porcupine
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Gnaw on a zombie's face
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Wake up with two heads. The other head is that of a perfect stranger who is just as surprised to wake up like this as you are. Each of you controls just one side of your shared body.
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Eat a snot pie