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  1. Your only way of showing compassion is by saying "I pity the fool"
  2. Every inch of your body was covered with tattoos (of your choice)
  3. No matter how often you wash your hair it always looks dirty, however, no matter how infrequently you wash it it always feels clean
  4. Have leopard spots
  5. Embrace hedonism
  6. Cheat and win, but your spouse knows the evil truth
  7. Go skinny dipping with Benito Mussolini
  8. Share a house with someone with athletes foot
  9. Never hear another pun again
  10. Have a long, luxurious ponytail that's permanently decorated with a big silk bow


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