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Options 965 to 975
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Be a satyr
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Helena, Montana, and all of its occupants cease to exist
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Eat a package of Ichiban
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Each morning your alarm clock squirts gravy on your face
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Never eat cereal again
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Get pinkeye
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Have car drive over your foot
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Be one of Santa's elves
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A type of magical weapon is invented that transforms anyone caught within its area of effect into docile humanoid sheep. The governments of the world decide this is more humane and economical than regular guns and bombs and use sheep-guns and sheep-bombs in their place.
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Never take a good picture