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Options 1070 to 1080
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Compulsively end every sentence with the word "pie"
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Sit at a desk all day
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Your two closest male co-workers walk up to your desk, pee on it (while chatting about sports) then walk away as if nothing happened
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Be a dish that ran away with a spoon
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Be an Ewok
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Have hands at the end of your legs
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Live as a Dwarf in the Dwarf Fortress universe
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Vomit marbles
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In exactly ten years animals larger than a Pygmy marmoset will transform into a blue whale. These blue whales will be regular blue whales in every way except they will possess the memories and same intellectual capacity as their original form. Everyone knows this is coming.
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From now on your favorite food loses all flavor to you