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  1. Be the shortest person on earth
  2. Your only method for communicating with other humans was Facebook
  3. Have perpetually dry lips that no amount of lip balm will help
  4. Have the guts of a boiling hot pizza pop squirted into each of your ears
  5. Have a comically oversized shampoo bottle for a leg
  6. Be only able to see out of eyes on the back of your head
  7. You become a billionaire but your 5 closest friends die
  8. Wet yourself every time someone says the word "chair"
  9. Have diced habernero peppers rubbed in your eyes
  10. Have the face of the cat


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